The Quote Book Book

Mythical confusion

2010-05-05T11:20:00.001-07:00

student: Is this project about real dragons or fake dragons?
me: real dragons.

Dinner Party

2010-02-10T14:36:00.000-08:00

"Who's Gusto?"
- second grade response to, "They feasted with gusto."

Name that Tune

2010-02-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

"I'm not sure that there's anything worse than someone who is simultaneously:

1) bad, and
2) passionate

about the trumpet."

Artistic Advice

2010-02-08T14:48:00.000-08:00

Earnest 4-Year-Old Art Student: "Can I tell you all about paintbrushes?"
Impressed Art Teacher: "Please."
Earnest 4-Year-Old Art Student: "Don't stick paintbrushes up your nose."

Nine Irons

2010-02-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

"Yes you do. They just don't look skinny on you."

- 7th grade girl to Scruff, after he said that he didn't own any "skinny jeans"

Dos chalupas, por favor

2010-02-04T11:46:00.000-08:00

Me: "My brother has an interview entirely in Spanish today! Wish him luck!"

Student (in a condescending voice): "Where is he interviewing? Taco Bell?"

70% Chance of Perspiration

2010-02-03T16:23:00.001-08:00

"Precipitation is rain, not sweat, right?"

- 6th grader to his classmate while working on an earth science assignment

The Mark of the Beast, Part II

2010-01-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to solve the previously posted dilemma, we head to the AT&T store in search of a better option.

AT&T worker: "You aren't due for an upgrade yet, so what we can do for you is take the $99 iPhone price and add $200."

girl in need of phone: "So, I would pay $299 for the phone?"

AT&T: "Yep."

girl: "That's more than the retail price of the phone at the Apple store. It's $199 off the shelf."

AT&T: "Yep"

girl: "Then I will probably go there and buy that phone."

AT&T: "Yeah, that's probably a better deal."

The Mark of the Beast

2010-01-07T08:02:00.001-08:00

"We can offer you an Out of Warranty Replacement for $199."

- The answer received by Apple salesperson when trying to get help with broken iPhone.

Cliffhanger

2009-12-15T10:14:00.000-08:00

So I made a deal with my 6th graders: if everyone scored above 90% on their homework, I would not assign homework tonight. When the class discovered that just one girl let the class down with an 88% (don't worry, she could handle it), one of the boys turned to her and said:

Boy: "Now I have confirmed my plan to throw you off a cliff!"

Girl: "Um, you never had that plan, and we don't have a cliff."

Drawing out the Irony

2009-12-13T11:51:00.000-08:00

In the midst of a discussion with 7th graders about the fallacy of Irrelevant Thesis:

Me: "So, now that we've defined this fallacy, let me give you some examples. (noticing that a student in the front row is doodling) Jay, this is not the time to be drawing."

Jay: "But it's fun!"

Me: (with a joyful excitement that I'm sure confused Jay) "Um, I can't really come up with any example that's better than that!"

Jay and classmates: " . . . "

Only in Buckhead

2009-12-13T11:45:00.001-08:00

7th grader: "Mr. Faulkner, I'm sorry, but my homework was run over by a Range Rover."

Bartender, I think I'll have another . . .

2009-12-07T07:07:00.000-08:00

"Well, I had four rounds of coke at a sports bar with my dad."

- 8th grader, on why he stayed up until 2 a.m. Saturday night.

You thought the trade embargo was bad . . .

2009-11-12T05:29:00.000-08:00

"Send it to Cuba."

- 6th grader's response when I posed the question: "What should we do with all the nuclear waste?" in the midst of a discussion about the pros and cons of nuclear power

Huh?

2009-11-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

"I have no idea what that means."

- 8th grader, after I encouraged him to figure out an algebra problem by saying, "Don't miss the forest for the trees."

Deferred Flirtation

2009-11-02T16:37:00.000-08:00

"I can't wait for that day!" - 7th grade boy, after I told a story about doing something silly in high school because I liked a girl, then concluded the story by saying, "Don't laugh, boys. You too will do something silly for a girl one day."

Calamari

2009-11-02T16:36:00.000-08:00

"Oh wait, isn't it those little octopus legs that you eat?" - 6th grader, when I used the word "caveat" then stopped to ask the class if anyone knew what a "caveat" was

You Get What You Pay For

2009-04-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

Actual conversation while checking out of JC Pennys in Columbia, SC:

- "Where you from?"
- "Atlanta"
- "Y'all zip code weird."

Conservation conversation

2009-03-20T08:08:00.001-07:00

"Taking shorter showers."

--7th grade student's response to "What does the word conservative mean?"

x + y = LOL

2009-02-27T11:28:00.001-08:00

During math class, as I am explaining the importance of showing all of your work on a word problem.

Me: "I know this seems like a lot of extra work right now, but you'll come back and thank me later in life."

6th grader: "I might just text you - is that okay?"

Maybe if I had a Magic Wand...

2009-02-12T06:16:00.000-08:00

"Could you in a couple sentences tell me the main point/plot of book 6?" - One of D-Al's friends wanting to be caught up on the Harry Potter series.

Eureka Barbie

2009-02-11T11:56:00.000-08:00

"I wanted to play with my Barbies but I also needed to study science so I just made one of my Barbies be Archimedes."

- 6th grader

This is no "Twister"

2009-02-05T05:13:00.000-08:00

"Yeah, it was really boring."

- 8th grader, on our tornado drill

Shiny things, all in a row

2009-02-05T05:12:00.001-08:00

"Sparkly things that you put on dresses."

-6th grade girl's response when asked to define a "sequence"

Dated

2009-01-30T11:20:00.000-08:00

"It’s like a big cd that always messes up."

- 8th grader, on records

Fleeting Icons

2009-01-30T11:16:00.000-08:00

A conversation between two 8th graders, in medias res:

Rambo!

Who’s that?

Sylvester Stallone.

Who’s that?

The guy who played Rocky!

In what?

Rocky!

Keep the Change

2009-01-27T09:42:00.001-08:00

"My Dad says an 'A' is never too expensive." --sixth grade student after I told her not to spend too much money getting supplies for her China project.

Icy Hot

2009-01-07T14:55:00.000-08:00

"I wish lava was really, really cold instead of really, really hot." - Wish made by an 8 year old while climbing a volcano in Guatemala because he was hot.

Christmas Currency

2009-01-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

"Mr. Faulkner, I got over $100 in gift cards for Christmas, but I sold most of them off to my dad." - 6th grade boy

TMI

2008-12-19T12:12:00.000-08:00

Jordan: What does the book mean when it says the US is the "colossus of the North?"

Me: It’s saying that the US is like the “Big Kahuna.”

Trevor: Oh, that’s what my mom calls my dad!

Those little devils.

2008-12-18T09:33:00.001-08:00

"You know what, 'Teletubbies' spelled backwards in Hebrew is 'Satan.'" - 6th grade boy, randomly, during lunch

True...

2008-12-17T11:47:00.000-08:00

Me: Can anyone give me an example of a proverb in our culture?

Annie J (confidently): Yes. People who live in glass houses shouldn't take showers.

Too honest?

2008-12-17T09:17:00.000-08:00

Me: "Just because something makes you think doesn't mean that it's hard."

5th Grader: "I don't like thinking."

Affected Canines?

2008-12-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

Exchange overheard in my apartment complex parking lot:

Some Guy: "Hey dude, what's up?"

Some Guy with two dogs: "Nothing, dude - just walking my pretentious-ass dogs."

Intinction, please.

2008-12-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

“It’s really weird when they feed you the drink . . . I never know how much to gulp.” – Scruff's sister back in the 12th grade, speaking of her difficulties with the Episcopalian method of serving communion wine (A QBB Classic)

Life of a WASP

2008-12-16T15:42:00.000-08:00

Actual short answer response from a 7th grade white male...

Test question: “What is missing from the usual story we hear about colonists in the New World? Why do you think this is?”

John: "A lot of people leave out the slaves, African Americans, and women. I think they did this because they wanted to make the white men look like they did everything. I also think that the women, slaves and African Americans were not or did not have as big of a role in the community. The women did the housework; the slaves did the yard work. That does not seem as important as establishing a colony or finding gold and silver."

Sushi Newbie

2008-12-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

"What is 'wasabi'?"
--Badia Askari, Swami's colleague, waving her hands in front of her puckered face, upon taking the first bite of her Publix-procured lunch

Tact.

2008-12-16T06:57:00.001-08:00

"Well, you seem kind of old not to be married." - 6th grader's explanation for why it is "weird" that one of her classmate's mom is only 6 years older than me

Lose the Kilt

2008-12-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

"Mr. Faulkner, you know why it's good to be a girl? If you dress like a boy you don't look half as bad as when a boy dresses like a girl."
- 6th grade girl, randomly to me during lunch

Can You Play Some Music?

2008-12-12T10:02:00.000-08:00

"None of them have any cussing. And they're all Caucasian."
--9th grade Nyla, handing me a list of songs she and her friends were requesting I play for them during their work time

High expectations?

2008-12-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

"Do you want that made with whole milk?"
- The Starbucks barista's response when I ordered a nonfat latte.

Just Below the Surface

2008-12-10T08:21:00.000-08:00

"You uproot it!" - 6th grader response to my question: What is the inverse operation of squaring a number?

Perspective

2008-12-08T07:50:00.000-08:00

"So I was looking back at our old quotes, and they're not as funny as they used to be." -Scruff to Swam on the original quote book book

Pregnant?

2008-12-06T12:51:00.000-08:00

"Is that why your tummy is so fat?"
--five-year-old girl at a birthday party, excited upon being told that Millie was having a baby in March

Oscar Had A Heap Of Apples

2008-12-05T09:22:00.000-08:00

"I like geometry . . . (thoughtful pause) . . . except for triangles." - 7th grader

Ouch.

2008-12-05T09:10:00.001-08:00

"Well, it's not working." - 6th grader, after I explained to her the method that I have to use (being that I'm colorblind) to match my clothes in the morning.

Hold the cheese, please.

2008-12-04T13:07:00.000-08:00

Setting: MARTA train.

homeless person speaking loudly to entire train: I'm homeless, does anyone have any money so I can buy some food?

train rider: I have a sandwich I haven't eaten, do you want it?

homeless: Does it have cheese on it?

rider:Yes

homeless: I don't like cheese on my sandwiches.

rider: you can just peel it off... here take it.

homeless: (a little agitated) I don't really want a sandwich, I just want to buy cigarettes.

Stuff This White Guy Likes

2008-12-04T10:27:00.000-08:00

"He's white! That's what they do!"
--Swami's [Black] colleague at Mays High School, interrupting a conversation in the teacher work room in which a different colleague had expressed admiration for Swami's bike-riding habits

Okay, looks like I have to get things started . . .

2008-12-02T11:08:00.000-08:00

"Mr. Faulkner, I realized something today; the word 'studying' is the combination of two words: 'student' and 'dying.'" - 6th grader, interjected randomly during science class

Since the Swam and I could never get our acts together . . .

2008-12-01T15:54:00.000-08:00

Welcome to The Quote Book Book, or at least a blog that accomplishes some sort of compromise between the quote books of yesteryear and the grandiose visions of an actual hardback coffee table version. Herein you will find, hopefully to your endless chuckling pleasure, funny comments or conversations that the Swam and I (Scruff) - and the occasional special guest, or more permanent special guests like D-Al, who came up with the idea of this blog in the first place - have overheard or been engaged in during our normal everyday lives.

Now, your first reaction might be, "Hey, guys, this is not very original." But keep in mind that the first quote books were started by the Swam and Scruff back in the 80s (okay, that's a lie - I think it goes back to the late 90s, but come on, that's a decade ago - the world was still using Prodigy!!), before these types of compilations were commonplace.

So, here's hoping we are able to contribute to this blog on a semi-regular basis. Oh, and the Swam and I reserve the right to sneak in some old classics from time-to-time.

Scruff