Cliffhanger

So I made a deal with my 6th graders: if everyone scored above 90% on their homework, I would not assign homework tonight.  When the class discovered that just one girl let the class down with an 88% (don't worry, she could handle it), one of the boys turned to her and said:

Boy: "Now I have confirmed my plan to throw you off a cliff!"

Girl: "Um, you never had that plan, and we don't have a cliff."

Drawing out the Irony

In the midst of a discussion with 7th graders about the fallacy of Irrelevant Thesis:

Me: "So, now that we've defined this fallacy, let me give you some examples. (noticing that a student in the front row is doodling) Jay, this is not the time to be drawing."

Jay: "But it's fun!"

Me: (with a joyful excitement that I'm sure confused Jay) "Um, I can't really come up with any example that's better than that!"

Jay and classmates: " . . . "

Only in Buckhead

7th grader: "Mr. Faulkner, I'm sorry, but my homework was run over by a Range Rover."

Bartender, I think I'll have another . . .

"Well, I had four rounds of coke at a sports bar with my dad."

- 8th grader, on why he stayed up until 2 a.m. Saturday night.

You thought the trade embargo was bad . . .

"Send it to Cuba."

- 6th grader's response when I posed the question: "What should we do with all the nuclear waste?" in the midst of a discussion about the pros and cons of nuclear power

Huh?

"I have no idea what that means."

- 8th grader, after I encouraged him to figure out an algebra problem by saying, "Don't miss the forest for the trees."

Deferred Flirtation

"I can't wait for that day!" - 7th grade boy, after I told a story about doing something silly in high school because I liked a girl, then concluded the story by saying, "Don't laugh, boys. You too will do something silly for a girl one day."

Calamari

"Oh wait, isn't it those little octopus legs that you eat?" - 6th grader, when I used the word "caveat" then stopped to ask the class if anyone knew what a "caveat" was

You Get What You Pay For

Actual conversation while checking out of JC Pennys in Columbia, SC:

- "Where you from?"
- "Atlanta"
- "Y'all zip code weird."

Conservation conversation

"Taking shorter showers."

--7th grade student's response to "What does the word conservative mean?"

x + y = LOL

During math class, as I am explaining the importance of showing all of your work on a word problem.

Me: "I know this seems like a lot of extra work right now, but you'll come back and thank me later in life."

6th grader: "I might just text you - is that okay?"

Maybe if I had a Magic Wand...

"Could you in a couple sentences tell me the main point/plot of book 6?" - One of D-Al's friends wanting to be caught up on the Harry Potter series.

Eureka Barbie

"I wanted to play with my Barbies but I also needed to study science so I just made one of my Barbies be Archimedes."

- 6th grader

This is no "Twister"

"Yeah, it was really boring."

- 8th grader, on our tornado drill

Shiny things, all in a row

"Sparkly things that you put on dresses."

-6th grade girl's response when asked to define a "sequence"

Dated

"It’s like a big cd that always messes up."

- 8th grader, on records

Fleeting Icons

A conversation between two 8th graders, in medias res:

Rambo!

Who’s that?

Sylvester Stallone.

Who’s that?

The guy who played Rocky!

In what?

Rocky!

Keep the Change

"My Dad says an 'A' is never too expensive." --sixth grade student after I told her not to spend too much money getting supplies for her China project.

Icy Hot

"I wish lava was really, really cold instead of really, really hot." - Wish made by an 8 year old while climbing a volcano in Guatemala because he was hot.

Christmas Currency

"Mr. Faulkner, I got over $100 in gift cards for Christmas, but I sold most of them off to my dad." - 6th grade boy