TMI

Jordan: What does the book mean when it says the US is the "colossus of the North?"

Me: It’s saying that the US is like the “Big Kahuna.”

Trevor: Oh, that’s what my mom calls my dad!

Those little devils.

"You know what, 'Teletubbies' spelled backwards in Hebrew is 'Satan.'" - 6th grade boy, randomly, during lunch

True...

Me: Can anyone give me an example of a proverb in our culture?

Annie J (confidently): Yes. People who live in glass houses shouldn't take showers.

Too honest?

Me: "Just because something makes you think doesn't mean that it's hard."

5th Grader: "I don't like thinking."

Affected Canines?

Exchange overheard in my apartment complex parking lot:

Some Guy: "Hey dude, what's up?"

Some Guy with two dogs: "Nothing, dude - just walking my pretentious-ass dogs."

Intinction, please.

“It’s really weird when they feed you the drink . . . I never know how much to gulp.” – Scruff's sister back in the 12th grade, speaking of her difficulties with the Episcopalian method of serving communion wine (A QBB Classic)

Life of a WASP

Actual short answer response from a 7th grade white male...

Test question: “What is missing from the usual story we hear about colonists in the New World? Why do you think this is?”

John: "A lot of people leave out the slaves, African Americans, and women. I think they did this because they wanted to make the white men look like they did everything. I also think that the women, slaves and African Americans were not or did not have as big of a role in the community. The women did the housework; the slaves did the yard work. That does not seem as important as establishing a colony or finding gold and silver."

Sushi Newbie

"What is 'wasabi'?"
--Badia Askari, Swami's colleague, waving her hands in front of her puckered face, upon taking the first bite of her Publix-procured lunch

Tact.

"Well, you seem kind of old not to be married." - 6th grader's explanation for why it is "weird" that one of her classmate's mom is only 6 years older than me

Lose the Kilt

"Mr. Faulkner, you know why it's good to be a girl? If you dress like a boy you don't look half as bad as when a boy dresses like a girl."
- 6th grade girl, randomly to me during lunch

Can You Play Some Music?

"None of them have any cussing. And they're all Caucasian."
--9th grade Nyla, handing me a list of songs she and her friends were requesting I play for them during their work time

High expectations?

"Do you want that made with whole milk?"
- The Starbucks barista's response when I ordered a nonfat latte.

Just Below the Surface

"You uproot it!" - 6th grader response to my question: What is the inverse operation of squaring a number?

Perspective

"So I was looking back at our old quotes, and they're not as funny as they used to be." -Scruff to Swam on the original quote book book

Pregnant?

"Is that why your tummy is so fat?"
--five-year-old girl at a birthday party, excited upon being told that Millie was having a baby in March

Oscar Had A Heap Of Apples

"I like geometry . . . (thoughtful pause) . . . except for triangles." - 7th grader

Ouch.

"Well, it's not working." - 6th grader, after I explained to her the method that I have to use (being that I'm colorblind) to match my clothes in the morning.

Hold the cheese, please.

Setting: MARTA train.

homeless person speaking loudly to entire train: I'm homeless, does anyone have any money so I can buy some food?

train rider: I have a sandwich I haven't eaten, do you want it?

homeless: Does it have cheese on it?

rider:Yes

homeless: I don't like cheese on my sandwiches.

rider: you can just peel it off... here take it.

homeless: (a little agitated) I don't really want a sandwich, I just want to buy cigarettes.

Stuff This White Guy Likes

"He's white! That's what they do!"
--Swami's [Black] colleague at Mays High School, interrupting a conversation in the teacher work room in which a different colleague had expressed admiration for Swami's bike-riding habits

Okay, looks like I have to get things started . . .

"Mr. Faulkner, I realized something today; the word 'studying' is the combination of two words: 'student' and 'dying.'" - 6th grader, interjected randomly during science class

Since the Swam and I could never get our acts together . . .

Welcome to The Quote Book Book, or at least a blog that accomplishes some sort of compromise between the quote books of yesteryear and the grandiose visions of an actual hardback coffee table version. Herein you will find, hopefully to your endless chuckling pleasure, funny comments or conversations that the Swam and I (Scruff) - and the occasional special guest, or more permanent special guests like D-Al, who came up with the idea of this blog in the first place - have overheard or been engaged in during our normal everyday lives.

Now, your first reaction might be, "Hey, guys, this is not very original." But keep in mind that the first quote books were started by the Swam and Scruff back in the 80s (okay, that's a lie - I think it goes back to the late 90s, but come on, that's a decade ago - the world was still using Prodigy!!), before these types of compilations were commonplace.

So, here's hoping we are able to contribute to this blog on a semi-regular basis. Oh, and the Swam and I reserve the right to sneak in some old classics from time-to-time.

Scruff